Insert Foot In Mouth

Photo by Jessica Gaudioso on

Don’t Be Weird.

That’s my daily mantra.


And yet, some how, without fail, what seem like crystal clear ideas in my head come out as garbled garbage. Probably because I’m trying to express my thoughts with both feet wedged deep in my mouth.

Although, ‘Don’t Sound Like A Racist’ might also be a good mantra to add to my repertoire.

As you can imagine, lots of people are having COVID related discussions at work. (And if you’re wondering why I’m in the office, it’s because my work has designated everyone as an essential employee – totally not the case – and only allows for one day a week teleworking. But, I digress.) And Co-workers are asking each other what lots of us are asking right now, like:

Do you think you caught the virus already?

Are people immune if they’ve already been infected?

Why are some regions/countries hit harder (or less hard) than others?

So when my boss’s boss’s boss was asking some of the same questions, I was excited to jump in with the latest news I’ve been hearing.

But we’ve all heard the same information, though, because COVID-19 is being stuffed down our throats like we’re ducks being fattened so our livers can be turned into foie gras. So, here are all the things I didn’t say because they are obvious:

One- Yes, boss’s boss’s boss, I think COVID has spread through the office like wildfire. 1. Because you have terrible social distancing policies, 2. Because everyone was sick for two weeks early on but there were no tests available to check so we all still came in, and 3. Because random testing is showing that way more people have had COVID and been asymptomatic than originally thought. 

Two- Sure, there have been reports of some people getting COVID a second time, but historically, people do build an immunity after being infected by the flu. For example, with the Spanish flu in 1918, the second wave was deadlier because a mutated strand hit populations hard that did not get infected by the first wave. 

Three- Why some areas are being hit harder (or less hard) than others is still a debated topic. There is likely a myriad of reasons for this phenomenon: 1. How prepared was the medical system in the an area (Germany had high testing early on and well-prepared medical facilities); 2. The economic situation of an area (i.e. how healthy were the people in the area to begin with and in how close quarters do they live); 3. How high the elderly population in the area was; 4. Cultural reasons (i.e. do elderly live with children or is physical contact common- like in Italy); 5. What measures did the government implement in the area and how early did they implement them (South Korea had an impressive initial response considering how early they were hit- they didn’t have a good road map to follow); and 6. The strand may be mutated in the different regions. 

I didn’t want to share with my boss’s boss’s boss all this common news, I wanted to share the uncommon news. You know, to sound smart. And sophisticated. And maybe even get a promotion on the spot.

And some uncommon news I haven’t heard widely publicized is the medical theory being explored that some ethnic groups are more susceptible than others. According to Science Magazine, DNA variations among humans may determine how sick people will become. So, one of the reasons healthy, young people are having higher death rates from COVID in some areas may be due to the patient’s genomes. 


I didn’t articulate that eloquently AT ALL.

Just take a moment to imagine how south that conversation can go-

When you talk about different races…

Being impacted differently…

You know, because of their genes…

I mean, I know we are all people, but different people are built differently…

And some will be fine…

And some can’t handle it…

Inner Monologue: Oh Jesus fucking christ, you sound like a crazy-racist-conspiracy-theory-nut-job. BAIL! BAIL! BAIL! JUST STOP! OH GOD, YOU’RE STILL GOING, YOU ARE DIGGING THE HOLE YOU WILL BE BURIED IN! ALL THAT WILL BE WRITTEN ON YOUR TOMB STONE WILL BE: ‘HERE LIES A RACIST.’

So, I did just stop. Mid-thought and full-racist.

And now I’m on my one day of teleworking, NOT promoted, just emailing people articles about the stupid theory, because that hole I dug just wasn’t deep enough. 


2 thoughts on “Insert Foot In Mouth

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